Thursday, June 11, 2009
I'm A Soccer Mom
 My little BananaMuffin, the daughter that changed my life irreversibly forever, is about to turn four. In the last month, I've noticed huge jumps in her maturity level - she is speaking more clearly, in complete sentences, she has started dressing herself, she is pouring her own drinks and spreading butter on her own toast. And, she's playing soccer.
BananaMuffin is a kid full of spirit, she climbs trees, runs freely, pedals her tricycle at warp speeds, and has energy to spare. Scotian and I play games of badminton with the kids at the cottage, we kick the soccer ball back and forth at home, she loves to try and paddle a canoe, and she enjoys and takes part in all of our activities. She's also shy in new situations.
When I was a kid, I didn't play sports. I was chubby, or at least I perceived myself as chubby, not athletic, I hated gym class, I dropped out of every organized sport and activity that my parents enrolled me in. I am very much self-taught, everything that I do, all of my hobbies, come from me sticking my nose in a book and learning. I see so much of me in BananaMuffin - the stubbornness, the need to paint, draw, and colour, but I also see her athleticism and potential. I want to stretch her limits and have her experience the joy of being part of a team, a joy that I never acquired. I simultaneously want to protect her and tell her if she doesn't like soccer, she can quit. I want to foster a positive self-image and self-esteem for her, something that took me into my late twenties to develop.
With some trepidation, we walked out onto the soccer pitch for our first practice. Scotian thought she would take to soccer right away. I wasn't so sure, knowing that she can be shy. And when she didn't open up right away to the activity, focusing more on the snack portion of the game, the urge to scoop her up and hug her was quite overwhelming.
Luckily, the second practice went much better, with one of her friends from daycare now on her team, she has someone to relate to. The coaches are warm and friendly and are really helping to include her when she would ordinarily hold back. This is so hard to watch as a mom - to have your little girl looking at you with eyes that say, "mommy, please rescue me" and to just stand by, knowing that she will learn new skills, get great exercise, and learn to be part of a team.
I used to laugh that someday I would be a soccer mom. I imagined sitting on the sidelines with a knitting project or some hand stitching, the way my mom used to when my brother played baseball. I realize now that I am heavily emotionally invested in her activities, and trying so hard to create a positive atmosphere for her.
I'm a soccer mom. I wasn't expecting it to come so soon!
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