Friday, January 1, 2010
Things I Wish I Had Known (and Giveaway)
 Before my babies were born.
Of course I did all the reading, I had the books that told me what was happening in fetal development week by week, common aches and pains of pregnancy, and had a section on breastfeeding, infant care, all very generalized.
Oh how I wish I had just put down that book and spent some time reading about breastfeeding, post-partum recovery, or adjusting to life as a new parent. When BananaMuffin was born in June 2005, I was still nearly six weeks from my due date and thought I still had lots of time. When I had a preemie that wouldn't breastfeed, I had no idea where to turn and found myself spending a lot of time in a small room at the IWK pumping, alone, with nothing but fashion magazines to read, which only made me feel worse.
I didn't know:
1) That when you are pumping, your nipple SHOULD NOT rub against the edges of the collection flange. If they are, your flange is too small. Rubbing will lead to soreness, cracking, and decreased milk supply over time. Since 2009, the IWK has changed all of their pumps to Ameda brand, the ONLY brand, to my knowledge, that manufacture flanges in smaller and larger diameters than "standard" to accomodate a wide range of women. I happen to be a woman who would have required a larger flange, and instead ended up with cracked, bleeding nipples.
2) Dr. Jack Newman. I had never heard of Dr. Jack Newman, his work, his books. I learned about him from my public health nurse, who was instrumental in saving my breastfeeding relationship. I had his all purpose nipple cream, which can be compounded in any pharmacy. I wish I had read his book before my baby was born. I wish I had also visited breastfeeding support groups during my pregnancy: no one in my family had breastfed and I had never seen it before. Having gone to a support group would have gone a LONG way to answering questions I didn't even know I would have!
3) That giving birth would leave me feeling isolated, house-bound, and alone. Because I had a C-section for breech presentation, I was stiff, sore, and unable to drive for 6 weeks for insurance purposes. Add to that a round-the-clock pumping schedule, a baby in the NICU, all I did was gobble up medical jargon for three weeks and then try to figure out how to take care of a baby who was still learning to breastfeed on my own. My parents came to visit for a day here and there, but otherwise they remained aloof, figuring my independent nature would keep me going. I used to boil eggs a dozen at a time and pop them in to my mouth - that was the most nutritious meal I could muster. I would highly recommend making meals and freezing them ahead of time, or bring a meal to a neighbour or friend who has just had a baby, I guarantee they will really, really appreciate it, and it helps to foster a sense of community. I happened to drop in to the offices of ABL, my former employer, one day to introduce them to my new baby. One of the partners asked how things were going and I told him we were still struggling with breastfeeding. He wrote his wife's cell phone number on the back of a business card and told me to call her. Living in our neighbourhood, she walked up that evening, and did her best to help. It's those little things that made all the difference.
4) Going out of the house seems like the most daunting task you've ever taken on. When BananaMuffin was 5 weeks old, my best friend was driving from her home in Ottawa to catch the ferry for Newfoundland and we were going to meet in Truro for lunch, which meant we had to leave the house at 11 am. I started preparing at 8 am! I was unsure about breastfeeding in public at that point, I was still very reliant on my breastfeeding pillow, BananaMuffin had JUST started breastfeeding and latching required me to have no shirt on and a completely undressed baby to keep her awake long enough to nurse, and I was panicked about pulling it all off! I wasn't sure how I would change her in a public bathroom, what if she cried during lunch? Everything felt impossible. I even called my mom for help, she reassured me that it would all be okay. And it was, but that first time out was harrowing for me.
5) Surrender. Sleep when the baby sleeps, don't worry that the house is messy, that you haven't done laundry in a week, that you haven't showered. As long as you get some rest and healthy food, the rest can wait. This is easier said than done when you have a type A personality. If you really can't stand the messy house, ask someone to help you with cleaning. Don't try to read a novel, don't try to work on projects. Rest. Our society is conditioned to go, go, go, but try to surrender to your baby's needs. This, too, shall pass.
6) Your body will take some time to figure out how much milk to make, when. This means you will leak, and you will need breast pads to keep you dry. I usually recommend 8 pairs, which is always met with raised eyebrows, but believe me, you will need them, especially at night! Make sure you have a good, underwire-free breastfeeding bra that you can wear all day and all night, or invest in a breastfeeding tank top that you can wear to bed, or underneath a warmer pajama top if the weather is cooler. If your breasts are tender in the weeks prior to giving birth, and in the post-partum period, gel-free compresses either heated or cooled, can help with the discomfort. If you are using them prior to giving birth, be sure to AVOID nipple stimulation, as this can induce labour.
7) Dairy allergy/intolerance among infants is far more common than is ever discussed. BananaMuffin started passing blood in her stool at around 11 weeks, and I panicked! Our pediatrician calmly asked if I ate much dairy, I said no (upon further reflection, I realized my other favourite on-the-go snack was cheese). I was afraid of allergies worsening, particularly where she was a preemie, so I called a Naturopath for help, which is where my relationship with Dr. Jennifer Salib-Huber began. She instructed me to go off all dairy, and about a month later, BananaMuffin was clear of blood and there were significant improvements in her skin as well. When Spunky was born 21 months later, he showed no digestive signs of dairy allergy, but his 'colic' was probably a missed indicator, as at the age of 2, he was formally diagnosed with both dairy and gluten allergy. The symptoms can manifest themselves in many ways, and despite how scary it sounds, giving up dairy is not that difficult. I found alternatives to absolutely everything - even cheese as goat milk did not cause the same symptoms.
8) Going from one child to two was FAR more difficult than going from zero to one. This isn't the case for everyone, but in my circumstance, I had a VERY active 21 month old and a high needs infant. If you have some child care available, keep it. If you have family near by, ask for their help in the early weeks. The increase in activity is not two-fold, but exponential.
9) Birth professionals, including doulas, midwives, and other supporters have such a valuable impact on your birth experience. To date I have had two C-sections, the first for breech presentation, the second an unsuccessful VBAC attempt. I fully maintain that if I had had a doula with me the second time, I would have been successful. If I have a third child, regardless of the fact I have no choice but to have a C-section, I will hire a doula. Their objective opinions are very valuable, and they will help you stick to your birth plan, while remaining flexible, far more easily than a partner who is far more emotionally invested in you and your comfort.
10) How important a baby carrier would be. I see so many families who spend an entire month's worth of income on a fancy stroller, and yes, strollers do have their place, but when your infant is breastfeeding 20 out of 24 hours a day and you still want to get out for a walk, make a snack or meal, throw in a load of laundry, or tend to an older child, a sling (my personal favourite is a ring sling such as the Maya Wrap) is worth its weight in gold. Babies NEED to be close to their moms, it keeps them calm, it makes them happy, it makes life easier. Yes, there will be a learning curve just as there is with every new skill, but believe me, it's one thing you shouldn't be without. And if you need help, there's a little store around the corner with staff who are always willing to help: whether you bought the carrier from us or not.
Congratulations to all the New Moms and Dads out there. There are a lot of babies due around this time, and the full moon was last night! Happy New Year!
If you made it through this whole post, leave us a comment and one lucky winner will receive an UpMama Ring Sling. Contest closes January 31, 2010.
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