Friday, February 26, 2010
Sharing and Caring, by Robyn Berman
This is the first post in a series of guest bloggers from the birth and parenting community, as well as other parents and educators to share information we hope you will find interesting.
My very first blog post. Ever. This feels like a lot of pressure. You folks reading this blog are some of the smartest, most conscientious, highly motivated parents around. What do I say, and how do I say it? This was what I asked April last week when she graciously asked me to write a guest blog for the Nurtured website. So, the pressure is on and I need to be somewhat impressive in order to capture your attention, and hold on to it. Hopefully the following will stir something inside of you and potentially lead you to pass it along to others. In fairly uncomplicated terms, my blog post will be about sharing and caring.
I use this catch phrase fairly light-heartedly. You see, it was my brother-in-law who coined the term: "sharing is caring." He was playing "guy in charge" one afternoon while our entire extended family was on vacation together. My two sons (currently 7 and just about 5) were spatting over some silly toy and he was trying to teach the younger guy how to share. Instead of going in to a whole diatribe about why we take turns, setting a timer, or playing fair, he just stated simply: "sharing is caring." The younger boy looked up at him and in no uncertain terms handed the toy over to his brother. It was that simple.
This catch phrase has become somewhat of a motto in our household, for the kids and for the adults as well. It's a short and simple and speaks to people of all ages and stages, yet if you break it down and define it to a pulp its truth has massive implications on global humanity. I'm going to lead by example and use this catch phrase to talk about the need for a shift in the global cultural paradigm regarding birthing and parenting (hopefully I've still gottcha here!).
In my work as an educator in the areas of birth and new parenthood I share a TON of information. How people find me is not the greatest mystery. I have a website. I have been doing this work for 3 years and I am blessed with the power of word of mouth. Last but not least I have an incredibly supportive network of family, colleagues, and friends who don't hold back when talking to others about the work that I do. But, it's the WHY that motivates me to keep going.
You folks are hungry for information, and the birthing and parenting world seems to be loaded with so much mystery for so many of you! Why do we (North Americans, Western Civilization?) go underground and bury ourselves when it comes time to talk about the nitty gritty of birthing and parenthood? Whose responsibility is it to start talking the truth about birthing and parenting so that myths are dispelled and families are released and able to birth and parent with choice and with confidence? What happens when we don't talk about how hard it is to transition to new parenthood? Why do we feel as though we have to defend our choice to breastfeed or cloth diaper our babies? Who decided that choosing non pharmaceutical pain management in labour is narcissistic? When we dig deep and try to uncover the truth behind some of these questions we discover how much we have lost by not sharing.
We are here, in this place and time. Somehow we lost the story telling (sharing!!) aspect of birthing and parenting along the way. In its place we have medical wonder, managed care, and enough gizmos and gadgets to last our next generation's lifetime. Don't get me wrong. I am the first to understand and accept the need for medical intervention in all areas of birthing and parenting. I too bought every plastic sippy cup on the shelf until I found just the right one (this was before BPA free, can you imagine my horror now??). But where is our confidence in ourselves? Where is the belief system that allows us to rely on instinct? Why do we think that a piece of paper with empty slots on it will help us birth more naturally or breastfeed more easily?
The point is this. If you care you will share. Call your friends after they have a baby. Ask them a simple question. How was your birth experience? You may not like what you hear. It may sound completely different than what you watched on TV last week. You may learn something you didn't know about pain, about hormonal surges, about babies who have minds of their own. Ask your friend how she is choosing to feed her baby. You thought she would say breastfeeding for sure, but she doesn't. Ask her why. You might find out that breastfeeding is a challenging and sometimes difficult relationship, and that if you don't have the right support it may become almost impossible to keep going. Ask your friend who is gathering around her to support her as she begins the most challenging job of her lifetime. No one?? My goodness, offer to drop in and cook the woman a meal. She will NEVER forget it. And while you are there, ask her about the birth (yes, again!).
The more we speak openly and ask tough questions, the more information we will gather. If we have more knowledge of our birthing and parenting choices, we will make smarter decisions for ourselves and for our children. Surely we will have less regret. Surely we will have greater satisfaction in knowing that we've done our best with all of the information that we have, in the time and place that we are in. If you don't like what you hear allow it to inspire you to go and gather information based on your own personal belief system and thus in turn create more conviction for when it becomes your turn. Post or blog about what you uncovered. Or better yet, call a friend for coffee or dinner and talk about it face to face! Make your decisions wisely and pass along this evidence based information to others who will listen. Then picture that TV commercial that has the person in the middle of the screen talking to one person, then that person calls up another two people, and so on and so forth. This folks is how we shift a cultural paradigm. One story at a time.
Sharing is caring, and the truth will, eventually, set us all free.
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Robyn Berman Doula Services offers birth and postpartum doula care to pregnant women and their families in Halifax, Nova Scotia.
Robyn runs a breastfeeding women's group that meets every Tuesday, 11am - 12 noon, in the community room at Uncommon Kids, and many other programs you can learn about on her website, http://www.halifaxdoula.com
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